Alexandra Petri: Why shouldn’t I put rabid bats on the Ninth Circuit?

For many years, we have kept the door labeled "CAUTION: RABID BATS" tightly shut. We have not sprinkled our avocado toast with tiny pellets of lead, and have dissuaded children from becoming chimney sweeps. We have refrained from swaddling our infants in asbestos, and we have meticulously and often at great inconvenience to ourselves avoided touching live electrical wires.We do not pick things up off the floors of abattoirs and eat them. We never put metal into the microwave. We avoid staring di