Alexandra Petri: Not my type

No, officer. It was not I. I only poison brunettes.I would never strangle and disembowel a Pembroke corgi.I would not draw or quarter anyone with a widow's peak!How dare you accuse me of this, when I only kill men with strong chins?You are insulting me when you suggest — you dare suggest! — I would choke and bludgeon repeatedly, with a club decoupaged in Jackson twenties, someone whose jawline was not perfectly square. I almost think you do not know me, to have thought me capable of