Alexandra Petri: Moon can’t bear watching Earth do this to itself

Washington • Gazing down with a vaguely orange tint at a new fire blossoming on the Earth where a fire should not be, the Moon confided that it felt sad and powerless watching the Earth destroy itself. “At first it was small things. Losing a species here or there. Just careless, really. These things happen to a planet on its way up. Earth still seemed to have it together. But now?” The moon looked on in mingled horror as the Earth began emitting large quantities of smoke. &ldquo