Savage Love Letter of the Day: The Constant Question

by Dan SavageI am a little embarrassed to reach out but I am at a loss. My wife and I have been married for 15 years and are both older (50). I love her dearly but, once she went through menopause about one year ago, we have had virtually no sex (not Woody Allen's definition). She occasionally gives me oral sex but will not allow me to touch her at all. She has terrible hot flashes and vaginismus but cannot take oral estrogen.This is making me a little crazy.
I started watching porn often, I mas