Bring Back Analog Sex

This story originally appeared in The Stranger’s 2026 Queer Issue.Illustrations by Lisa CzechWe hate our phones. We hate your phone. We want all phones, along with the internet, to be destroyed in some illegal, fiery fashion. We’re losing the ability to talk to one another, and it’s hurting our love lives.Phones and technology are cucking us into gameless, anxious slugs who are having less quality gay sex than actual slugs, which mate by entwining their massive head penises. A