Ask a Motorist Stuck on the Ballard Bridge for 45 Minutes

I'll be here, sipping on a crushed half-empty Capri Sun that's been sitting in the back seat for a monthby Local Motorist
Dear Motorist Stuck on the Ballard Bridge for 45 Minutes: My parents are visiting Seattle for the first time. Can you suggest any cool places to take them?
—Janice R., Fremont
GAAAAAHHHHH FUCKING GODDAMN TRAFFIC SHIT... FUCKING MOVE! (Honk! Honk!) MOVE YOUR GODDAMN PIECE OF SHIT CAR! (Honk!) YOU WANT SOME ADVICE? TELL YOUR PARENTS TO STAY AWAY FROM SEATTLE, UNLESS THEY