Learning to breathe through the panic of NYC school admissions

My ten-year-old tore open the envelope, a slightly unhinged smile of anticipation on his face, and pulled out the sheet of paper inside. I held my breath. The paper rattled slightly in his hands.
Silence.
He stared.
I would have snatched it from him, but my own hands were shaking too much. “What’s it say?”
“I don’t…. know?” He handed me the letter, and I understood his confusion instantly, with dismay: the middle school he had been matched with was not