Go for the gold at the Theme Park Olympics

The Olympics are on TV, and people around the world are fantasizing about sliding down mountains and flying across ice on their way to winning gold for their country.
Unfortunately, the only time I tried skiing, I blew out my left knee trying to avoid crashing into a Pomalift on the bunny hill. And my best skating move is the sprained ankle-and-wrist combo. With my winter sports history, I’d probably injure myself trying to buy a ticket to the Games. So if I’m ever going to win gold