Why Apple Watch 2 doesn't need cellular anyway

Many garments were rended and much hair torn last week over a report in Bloomberg that the next version of the Apple Watch would not arrived with cellular networking.
Setting aside some of the questions about the reporting of that story and Apple’s development timelines, allow me to share with you my nuanced, carefully considered, and thoughtful reaction to that news: meh.
Look, I get it: the ability to have your Apple Watch connected no matter where you are and let it function untethered