Verizon may have just made the world’s most pointless thing

Someone, somewhere, deep in the bowels of Verizon's marketing department, has apparently read a study saying that the Internet of Things is going to be the next iPhone. This noble Brand Crusader decided that Verizon should be a Thought Leader in this category, and directed the captive team of engineers to make a Product that demonstrates Verizon's commitment to the IoT.
But unfortunately, no one stopped along the way to think about whether this is a thing that anyone will want to buy.It's called