Being a human is rough, so here is my application to be a dog

To Whom it May Concern:
Hello! I am writing to express my interest in transforming my human self into that of a dog. I was thrilled to come across the opening you advertised and am confident I would be an excellent choice for this position.
First, I am a longtime fan of dogs, and have been very impressed with the dozens of good dogs I have met throughout my lifetime. It has been my longstanding belief that dogs are good and humans are bad. For example, dogs have never declined to release their t