If I’m Not Speeding, Then I’m Not Maximizing Shareholder Value

There are bumper stickers, and then there’s this one: “If I’m Not Speeding, Then I’m Not Maximizing Shareholder Value.” It’s the perfect marriage of unhinged capitalism and poor lane discipline. It says, “I own stock in six tech companies and three of them are currently suing me for insider trading.” It also says, “I think turn signals are for people who hate freedom.”
This sticker isn’t just a warning—it’s a mission s