I called that mysterious motorway helpline – and almost lost the will to live | Adrian Chiles

Going down a private equity rabbit hole was the last thing I thought I’d encounter when I finally dialled the numberI wasn’t sure if he wanted to fight me or just tell me something, but the bloke in the car behind wanted me to pull over. As far as I could see, he wasn’t as big as me, so I decided to risk it. He stopped behind me, got out, came to the window, and said one of my back wheels was damaged. Oh, good. I sat there for a while, luxuriating in despair.Eight o’clock